My dad is one of the smartest people I’ve ever met. He is also hilarious, strong, inspiring, loving, genuine, talkative, friendly, a good cook, and quick learning. There are probably two handfuls of people that i feel truly love me, care for me, and want the best for me, and he is at the top of the list! With all of the above characteristics, you would never guess where he is. My dad is a prisoner. He has been in and out 15-20 times. Well, maybe even more, I’ve lost count. He is addicted to crack, which turns him into a liar and a thief, and sends him to prison often. It has been ongoing pretty much my entire life, but got really bad when i was 7 years old. I feel so terrible for him, that he has been beguiled by the great evil named addiction. He’s now 51 years old and his only friends are his prison mates. Truthfully, i prefer him inside, because when he’s in I know he’s safe. I know he’s fed, showered, clean from drugs, and has a bed to sleep in at night. He’s basically royalty in there, EVERYONE knows him, and i think it makes him feel good. When he’s on the outside, he’s 50-something & broke, staying with his mother, with a crazy long criminal record who can only get a job at a restaurant because every other job out there does background checks. If it weren’t for that, there’s no doubt in my mind he could get any job he wanted with his awesome personality. But, when he’s on the inside, he’s an old wise guy who loves to study the Bible, talk in the AA/NA meetings, inspire people, take as many college courses as he can and show up the young guys on the basketball court. I used to feel so.much.pressure when i was a 16-17 because him and my grandmother would both tell me that he needed me. He needed to see me or talk to me on the phone, or else he would relapse. If he called and i missed it i would feel bouts of anxiety. I’d call back when i saw my phone, say an hour later, and it would sometimes be too late. His binge would’ve already started and I no longer mattered. Nobody mattered. It was so hard not to take his addiction personal. It sucked always wondering… “if i had just picked up that phone call, he wouldn’t have done this.” I know now that nothing i did or didn’t do would’ve changed my dad’s decisions. I know now how wrong it was for them to put that kind of guilt on a teenage daughter. But, regardless of all of the crazy experiences over the years, i can honestly say i don’t hold any resentment towards them.
Addiction is an awful disease. I think my dad went through some traumatic experiences as a child/young adult and made bad choices to cope with it. He never planned to be an addict, nobody does. I’m just so incredibly grateful that he is alive today and still has the chance to make a good life. He has so much potential and i believe in him. It is not too late. I pray to God that he makes it without relapsing next time. It would mean so much to me if you could take a moment to pray for my dad, too. ❤
HOW TO DEAL WITH AN ADDICT:
-Learn the difference between enabling & helping
-You cannot “fix”an addict, stop trying!
-Don’t give into the typical manipulation of an addict.
-Always be kind, even when it’s hard. Addicts are people too.
-Forgive, because they don’t WANT to hurt you, it is the disease.
-Let them know that you support them and their recovery
“People will be difficult to deal with, love them anyway”
Olivia Nash 